I knew it

I knew that God works in mysterious ways...but this is just insane. I just posted about how devestated I was not getting that job. Well today while at a playdate I mentioned this to the mom. She said " you're looking for work?" I told her I was but that childcare was an issue. She says "Oh my God, I have something for you. Let me make a quick call" She gets on the phone, jots down some numbers and said "O.K. I'll call you right back" Apparently, a close friend of hers was looking for a sitter for her 20month old daughter Valentina. Daniella ( the mom who's house the playdate was at) says, "Here's the deal. Michelle needs someone on M,W, F from 9:30-6 to watch her baby. She's paying 12 bucks an our-cash" That equates to roughly $346 a week. I was thrilled. I just got off the phone with her about an hour ago and I'm meeting with her on Thursday to interview. She basically told me that I have the job. I'm so excited. This is much more than I could've ever hoped for. The only drawback is that she needs me to commit for a full year. This poses a problem since we've registered chey for pre-k which meets M,W and F. The way I look at it; I'll just pull her out. School will end in June for her anyhow and she'll already be acclimated to not going. I will then enroll her in some sort of school on T, TH to keep her adjusted to the idea of going to school. Does this sound like a good idea? Or is it horrible of me to pull her out??? The tuition would be 110/mo. so I'd also be saving money there. ( unless, I did put her somewhere else...then I'd be shelling out money again...but, still...) I'm rambling. I'm just excited and am thrilled that this just may work. Please leave me some input as to what you think about the situation.....Kat

Things...

Things did not go well today at the job interview. I was scheduled from 9:30 to 12:00 and arrived about 10 minutes early. The director told me that she had contacted the insurance company they use to get me some idea of what it would cost and that she would hear back from them before I was scheduled to go home. She took me to the room where Cheyenne would be and I said "good-bye" to her. It was hard for her, I know...but she did somewhat well. They put her with the 4 year olds because the 3 year old class was "just too full" So, my peanut baby was in a room of giants. The teacher seemed like a bitch. She was yelling when I walked in and seemed irriated with every one of her students. She was an older lady with white hair and yellow teeth. She seemed like a real piece of work. The director then lead me to one of the classrooms I would be working in. I would be a "floater" between 3 rooms; infants, 2's and 3's. The 3 year old teacher was so super nice and I was wishing my baby was there instead of with Grandma bitchy pants. The infant room was so soothing. It had rockers, a changing table, toys galore and babies- lots and lots of babies. I could tell they were shorthanded. I was informed that the infant room was were I would spend the majority of my day. I was thrilled. So, after I was finished up touring the 3 rooms the director took me to get Chey baby. It was at that moment that my excitement was diminished to nothing. " Katrina, I'm so sorry to have to tell you this but I'm not able to extend you the insurance. You see, an employee has to work a solid 40 hours per week in order to qualify for insurance and unfourtunately we are only able to accomidate 37 right now. I know insurance was a huge part of your decision to return to the work force and I'm sorry that I was not informed of these changes. In the past full time was considered 32-40 hours but due to rising costs of insurance we now require a full 40" OK....I thought to myself. "We'd love to have you here. You are amazing with the children and they really enjoyed having you here today. I hope that you will consider joining us even without the insurance" I smiled at her and said " Well, I'm sorry as well. I really enjoyed myself as well but I'm not willing to take a job that doesn't offer me insurance. If your policies should change please feel free to contact me" I grabbed Chey by the hand lead her to the car. I slammed my door shut and bawled the entire way home. I know this wasn't some "dream" high-paying job. But, it was something and the thought of not having to pay out of pocket for insurance was like a dream come true. I know that God does everything for a reason and that maybe something better will come along. But, it is so hard to see things that way when you had something in mind. I am going to continue to look for employment and I will not stop until I find something.

It is times like these that makes me wish I could go back in time and do what I was supposed to be doing. In my teens/early 20's I partied like no other. I spent my hard-earned money on cute designer jeans and shoes instead of socking it away. It is so frustrating to not be "qualified" enough for positions. I was browsing the classifieds today and every job related to customer service required either a college degree or a working knowledge of Quickbooks/Excel none of which I have or know. I did find a couple of "general office" positions that I'm sure I'm "quaified" for and I'll be sending out resumes this evening or 1st thing in the morning. One thing that I'm apprehensive about is sending her to daycare. The regular rates at the daycare I went to today offered fairly reasonable rates. By "fairly reasonable" I mean, cheap enough that it would make it worth it for me to work. BUT, I am not "sold" on the quality of care they provide there. Especially not in the room Chey was in today. It was horrible and I know that I would not be comfortable leaving her in the care of " Crabby Granny" So, I'll also have to find another center to consider.

I'm off for now. I'll post more later. I have to write about school falling through, baby plans and much more.....TTFN

Kat

The Blame Game

I'm so pissed off at DH right now. In fact, I'm pissed off at a lot of things right now. I am so tired of feeling like everything that goes wrong is my fault. Believe me when I say that I know I am not perfect and I do make mistakes but 9 times out of 10 it isn't my fault. I try to keep the home and finances in somewhat of order. I pay what bills I can with the money that my husband makes. Part of the problem lies in the fact that my husband traded in a job that paid well and offered health insurance for a job that pays 1/2 of what he used to make that is sans insurance. I worked for a while and things got a tad better. When I got let go, I wasn't too upset because we had cut back on a lot of things. We never went out to eat, we downgraded the cable to the basic package, we ditched the house phone ect. So, things were working out pretty well. Then came the winter and we fell behind on a ton of bills. So much so that every paycheck we deposit is spent solely on bills. We don't buy things that we don't need ( with the exception of a $2 rug I purchased) I never fill my tank up during the week. I put $10 bucks in there and it lasts me. I don't go anywhere other than to drop the kiddo off at school. Today all hell broke loose here because Mr. Concerned checked the checking account and discovered that it was once again severely negative. He called me up ranting and raving about the account and when I pointed out to him that it wasn't my fault he asked " then who's is it?" I don't know the answer to that. I guess you could say in a way it is HIS fault. Nobody told him to quit his high-paying job ( he made that decision without even consulting with me; it was a hot-headed decision) He blames his boss "well, it's not my fault things are slow right now" O.K. Fine, it's not your fault that things are slow. But, it is your fault for continuting to work for a company that doesn't find someway to keep you busy when the weather is shitty. I got so fed up that I handed him the checkbook and the mound of bills that need to be paid and I told him that I'm on strike. If he thinks that the state of the account is in any way my fault I challenge him to be better. The only bill that I will take responsibility for is the mortgage. That is in my parent's name and I'll be damned if I let him screw up their credit. That bill will be paid on the 16th of the month no matter what he has to say about it.

I had my interview today and it went well. It pays $1 less than I had figured on so I'll think it over and probably wind up taking it. At that point I will open up my own savings/checking account and him and I can have a contest: Who's account is in better shape. I'm excited about finally getting out of the house and being somewhat independant. I'm sick of feeling like I don't contribute because I don't work.

Well, that's the scoop of the day. Thanks for reading!

What to do??

I am torn. I have an interview tomorrow and depending on how it goes I just may take it. I am a little sad thinking about sticking her in daycare but at the same time I feel that we lead a pretty sheltered life here. I don't have many friends and as a result neither does she ( aside from the children she sees at school for 2 hours 2 days a week) We don't really go anywhere ( because there isn't money to do so) I'm not very artistic so we don't do many crafts. Really, when I think about it, we don't do much of anything. Sure, we read a book here and there and play dollies and dress up. But, really those things only take up maybe an hour or two of our day. The rest is spend wandering aimlessly around the house trying to mull up some ideas of things to do. Frankly, I'm sick of it. I know when summer hits there will be more to do but at that point it gets darker later so I'll have plenty of daylight to still enjoy some time with Cheyenne. Besides, the job would most likely be from 7-3:30 ( possibly earlier) and since Chey would be with me we'd be home no later than 3:45 ( the job is right around the corner from here) It's a hard decision but there are also many things that need to be done around the house before we have another little one and the extra money would make all our home-improvement "dreams" come true. There would also be insurance wich is something we are without right now. So, I'm thinking my days as a SAHM are numbered. I think it'll be the best bet in the long run. Now, when #2 arrives, I'm not sure how long I will work. I mean, at that point I'm thinking I'd cut my hours to part time ( if they allow it to happen) so that I could still get out of the house and still have some sort of income. Well, that's it for now. I'll keep you posted.

Decisions, Decisions

I don't think I give myself enough credit when it comes to my decision making skills. Sure, I've made plenty of horrible ones but I've also made quite a few good ones. I feel that women in general dwell on the bad stuff and ignore the good. I have decided that I'm going to start giving myself a "pat on the back" more often. On my way home from picking Chey baby up from school I listened as she talked about all the fun she had at school. She told me about all her friends and all of the "cool" stuff she does there. At that moment I thought "sending her to school was a great decision" I almost didn't send her. Besides, what does a 3 year old really need to learn that I can't teach her myself? I can't answer that but just seeing how happy she is makes me realize that it was a good choice. I'm so glad to hear her so happy. So, what about you? What good decisions have you made? Tell me. It's time to give yourselves a pat on the back as well! You deserve it!

Dear John

I've heard somewhere that if you are really angry with someone you should write that person a letter and get it all out. Of course the other person will ( hopefully) never see it and all will be better. So it goes something like this:

Dear John,
I'm hungry right now. You called me up to ask me to dinner and here I sit 5 hours later waiting for you to arrive. If when you finally do make it home you find me passed out at the keyboard don't wonder why. It could be that I've starved to death. The kiddo hasn't eaten anything yet either. I'm not a fool. I know damn well that as soon as she finishes up a tasty dinner daddy dearest will walk through the door and her appetite will be gone. I would love to punch you square in the face when you arrive. This way you will know the feeling I have in my stomach right now. All I ask of you is this: If you knew you were going to be late why the hell didn't you call to inform me of this. Instead I had to call and hunt you down because my survival instincts were kicking in and I knew that if I didn't eat soon I would die. Of course my sweet I am exaggerating. I of course will not perish from malnutrition but it's irritating nonetheless. If you know what is good for you, you will come home within the next few minutes. Because even though I'm weak with hunger I will still be able to muster up enough strength to kick your sorry ass.

There I feel much better. Well, aside from the fact that I'd love to eat something right now. He's got 10 minutes. If he's not here I'm raiding the damn fridge and he can go out to eat himself.

Holy Debt!

For a long time I thought John and I were in a bad spot. Our credit is a mess and we're still struggling to make ends meet around here. Our situation should change in a matter of a few weeks as things are slowly getting better. But, I am now taking a harder look at where we are and thankful that it's not that bad and could be worse.

I am friends ( and I use that term loosely) with a gal named Kim. Yesterday during our Thursday trip to Denny's we began talking about children and money. I began telling her about a couple I know that is in debt up to their ears. They already have 50k in student loans racked up and probably another 10-15k in credit card debt. They are planning to have their first child by next year. I was telling Kim that I thought this couple was "dumb" for getting in way over their heads in debt and that the whole reason John and I are waiting to have another is so that we can get financially stable. She gave me a dirty look ( I'm assuming because I used the term dumb) and began to tell me about the financial turmoil her and her hubby are in. They're roughly 120k in debt. This is not including the loan for their home or cars. She said they pay between 9 and 10k a month to live. Meaning, car and mortgage payments ect. That's all fine and dandy but he brings home roughly 7k a month. So how do they make ends meet you ask. Well, that's how they racked up the massive credit card debt. If they can't pay for something it goes right on the credit card. Her monthly card payment is about $600 a month. Now, some of it doesn't add up. Because really, I'm guessing their payments are NOT 9-10K per month. I think she's stretching it a bit to make is seem like her hubby makes more than he does ( she said he makes 120k a year. Factor in taxes and stuff and he's bringing home about 7k) I asked her how she sleeps at night knowing how in debt they are and she shrugged the question off. She then took a jab at me and said "Well, my husband and I actually do things together as a family. We don't just sit in the house all the time. I'm giving my kids memories" At 3? Do you remember when you were 3? I sure as hell don't.

When it rains...

It pours!!! Here in Illinois anyways. In the middle of February no less. We had a pretty good thunderstorm here today and it wasn't fun driving in it. Had I been able to snuggle up under the covers all day I'd of loved it but since I had to go out I was cursing the sky above. The drive started out O.K. but midway it began downpouring and little iceballs were flying off my windshield. I thought I was going to have to pull over due to poor visibility but it let up within minutes. I also had some dreaded errands to run and they too were a bitch due to the fact that I was sopping wet. You see, I used to think I was too cool to carry an umbrella. Therefore, I do not own an umbrella. Cheyenne has a child's sized one and we huddled under that but it wasn't cutting it. I was still able to ring out my undies when I got home. But, now we're home and we just ate some nice warm soup. As soon as snugglebuns finishes up we're going to huddle up under the blankies for some quality T.V viewing.

I could pee

I'm so excited right now. It started off as a crappy day but it just got beter. For a long time I was under the assumption that if you purchased health insurance yourself you had to wait 365 days before TTC....but alas, that is not the case. The baby just needs to be BORN 365 days after your policy begins. That just made my day. So, since John and I weren't planning on TTC til' Nov/Dec. anyways, we can purchase the insurance in June or July!!! Wahoo!!! I'm so excited I could pee! We are not going to go through with TTC another on if we aren't financially stable but with things beginning to look up around here it may just happen. I can't wait til' he gets home to tell him the awesome news!!!! YAY!!! I might have my dream of a 2nd come true!!!!

Quick relationship update

A few days ago I posted about my brother and his girlfriend having some major relationship issues. I am ( sort of) happy to report that as of yesterday they are broken up. I talked to my mom last night and she said they got in some sort of fight. It reminded me of my high-school relationship; I was so jealous. My oldest brother got my younger brother a shirt that read "What girlfriend?" for Christmas. Katie ( the ex) got pissed off about this and forbid my brother to wear it. On Friday night he went out to a bar with his buds and wore the shirt out. She didn't know this until she went snooping through his clothes on Saturday. She smelled all of his clothes and when she came across "the shirt" she claimed it smelled like him and smoke. He is not a smoker so she guessed he had worn it to the bar. She took the shirt outside and threw it in the street. She then went into the street and stomped it into the ground ripping it. He of course got mad, took her home and broke up with her. All of this over a shirt. It's been a long time coming and I'm glad they are broken up. I feel bad for her in a way but I spoke with her this evening and she sounded great. You would never know by speaking with her that her 4 year relationship had ended. I'm guessing that they will eventually get back together but I'm hoping that they both learned some lessons in the process.

Is it Spring yet?

I am about done with winter. The novelty of snow and that chill in the air has worn off and I'm ready for some heat and humidity. I guess you could say I have a bad case of cabin fever. I am so looking forward to nights out on the deck and days at the park or the pool. I'm ready for capris pants and tank tops. I'm ready for B-B-Q's and open windows and doors. I'm so done with pounding my head against the wall trying to come up with things to keep us amused. I'm tired of coloring and dancing around the living room. If I have to play one more game of "Memory" I think I'll die. I'm so done with "do-do-dora...do-do-da-dora" and Laurie Berkner. I could strangle that damn groundhog for predicting 6 more weeks of winter. While at Target today I looked at the tanks and the shorts and the little Easter stuff and for a moment I felt as if the warmer weather is on it's way. That was cut short when I listened to the weather only to find out there is more of that damn white stuff on it's way. I can not wait to have daylight at 6 pm instead of seeing clouds day in and day out. It's a good thing I drink plenty of milk cause I sure am not getting my vitamin D from Mr. Sunshine. Ugh, I am so ready for spring.....

Why stay?

Why do people stay in relationships that are obviously not going anywhere? I ask this because this week I've had 2 people close to me complain about relationships that are just plain wrong.

The first hits rather close to home. It is a relationship between my brother and his girlfriend. I wish I could say that my brother is not to blame but unfourtunately it is. He is downright mean to his girlfriend. I'm glad that she feels close enough to me to tell me her problems and I'm glad that I'm open minded enough to see that my brother is to blame but at the same time I'm appalled at what she tells me and I wonder why she stays. He is my brother and I love him but name calling and threats of physical violence are not acceptable no matter who is involved. I've talked to her on numerous occassions and I have come to the conclusion that she is an "enabler" She lets him get away with the crap that he pulls and I'm beginning to have no sympathy for her. She deserves better and I think she should go.

The next relationship is one between John's cousin Fallon and her long time boyfriend Rob. Fallon is 22 years old and has 2 children with him. He's a jerk-off and can't keep a job. They are on welfare because of him and it's sickening. She called me a few hours ago to tell me that she caught Rob kissing another woman last night. She says that he's screwing around with the neighbor girl. I told her that she is naieve if she thinks things will get better and that I think she should throw in the towel. This seems drastic but this isn't the first time she's caught him. A few months ago she invited some friends over to watch a movie. She wound up getting a migraine and went to bed. When she woke up a few hours later she still had a headache and got up to go get some asprin. On her way to the bathroom she caught Rob on top of one of the friends she had invited over. His face was 2 inches away from this girls and her hands were around his neck. Hmmm.....what does she think was going on? She says she put it out of her mind because they weren't actually doing anything when she walked in....hmm...ok? I wouldn't see it that way but hey...whatever. But, the thing is: She refuses to leave. I told her today that I would go. Move back home to be with her family but she says "We need to work on this" I offered to come and pick her up so she could stay with me for a week to get away and she says "Why so he can cheat the whole week while I'm gone?" My response to her was "what difference does it make? He's cheating when you're home so why not just get away for a week so at least you don't have to witness it for a week?" I just don't get it. She's so cute and so nice and she's being cheated on and TOLERATING it??? Oh goodness....... I would be gone. Kids or not. Nobody deserves to be treated that way. To make it even more absurd when she caught her hubby kissing that girl last night....she say " i just walked over to him, tapped him on the shoulder and told him it was time to come home" OMG........if that were me...I'd be in jail for assult and battery. In my eyes if she's not doing anything about it...she deserves it.

Would you stay?

Wow!

2 comments!!!! Woo-hoo! I didn't think anyone actually read my blog. Now that I know I have 2 readers...I'll try to post more often.

I'm still a little confused about the school thing. I talked to an old friend today who worked for another online university and she told me that I should just go for a bachelor's right away instead of going for the associates. I'm a little confused as to what to do. Originally my advisor suggested that I go for the Assoc. so that I could get a job quicker and then have the company that hires me pay for the completion of my bachelors. My friend (Kimmy) thinks that an associates isn't worth crap anymore and a company won't hire me for a good salary if I don't have a bachelors. Plus, she says that getting my associates first will slow me down. It'll take a year and a half to get an assoc. She says I could have my bachelors in 2 and a half to 3 if I go for it right off the bat and it could take up to 5 if I get the associates first.....( are you following??? LOL) So, now I've got some thinking to do. I'll talk it over with Johnny first to get his imput.

I went to the dollar store today and I am amazed at how far they've come. I used to go there when I was in grade school to get cheap makeup and whatnot. I haven't been to one in a while and there is one right around the corner from my house. I got a new rug for the kitchen for 2 bucks. I got Chey some Nick Jr. videos for 2 bucks a piece. And, I got some coloring books for her for 4 for a buck. Wow. Since money has been so tight around here it's been a while since I've been shopping. I figured I'd treat myself to a few things and only spent 6 bucks. I felt guilty at first but then I thought "Hey, I quit smoking and a pack of smokes is 6 bucks......" So, the guilt went away....LOL.

I have a full day of house cleaning ahead of me. I hate to admit this but my kitchen actually stinks. Ugh, it's so gross. There are no dishes in the sink or food anywhere so I'm going on a "find that smell" hunt today. I'm guessing it's the garbage but I just took it out on Wed. so I'm not sure what could be in there that would be causing such an odor. It's not the fridge. The only other thing I'm thinking it could be is the disposal. It broke about 3 weeks ago when there was food in there to be "processed" I dug everything out by hand but my mom says there could be crap way deep in that I didn't get. So, if I clean everything out today and the kitchen is still stinky; I'll guess it's the disposal...which can't be fixed for a while given our situation right now. Maybe some drain-o will do the trick? Who knows.

Does anyone want 2 dogs? I'm so tired of our pets. I've got dog hair showing up in places I've never dreamed of. While at the dollar store today I found a nice wad of dog hair in my purse. What the hell? In my purse? It's gross. Their hair gets everywhere. They are annoying. I am regretting having pets. They are major PITA's.......ugh....

Well, that concludes my update for the day. Stay tuned for more "Mom's spot" updates coming soon!!!!!

A new Journey

Well,
If you have been reading my blogs you know that our family has had some bumps in the road these past few months. I hate to say it but it's not getting any better. I've wracked my brain a thousand times trying to come up with ways to "contribute" or help out financially. And, I can't seem to come up with anything concrete. I have no training or schooling in anything and I only have limited office experience. Every job I've come across pays little. I know that every little bit helps but not when you have to pay for someone to watch your child. In the end I'd only wind up with about $60 in my pocket after a 40 hour work week. It doesn't seem worth it. I've thought about going to Target or Wal-Mart to apply for a job but even that doesn't fit with our schedule. With John working side jobs he's not available to watch the kiddo and I don't think it's fair to ask my mom to work her 40+ work week and then come to "work" watching Cheyenne. In all of this thinking the only feasible thing to do is to go back to school.

I've been thinking about this for a while but it too has posed a problem with childcare issues. Hubby's job is not realiable enough for me to comit to a class schedule. After much researching I've come across a legit online university. I have had a talk with John and he seems to agree that in the long run it is the only way we will ever be able to get ahead. I'm looking into Paralegal studies. From what I've read they actually make decent enough money that it would actually put a dent in some of our bills. I'm so scared. Since I've been out of school for so long I feel like an idiot. I question myself. I don't have that "I can do anything" attitude anymore. If you pray please pray that this is the right choice and that it accomplishes all that we are hoping it will.
If all goes as planned I will have an associates degree in Paralegal studies by August of 2007.

I want so badly to have another child and I've come to the realization that this will never be possible given our circumstances. The only way for this to happen is with me getting a decent job that offers insurance and benefits. I know that I probably won't be able to be a stay-at-home mommy to the 2nd one and although it upsets me I know that you can still be a good mommy and work. At that point Cheyenne will be in full day Kindergarden and I won't have to worry much about her. By that time my mom will also most likely be "jobless" and will be able to take care of the 2nd. She's thinking about quitting her job in July and at that point would be willing to take care of the children. So, I'm crossing my fingers that everything works out.

This is just a "ramble" post. It wasn't intended to amuse or entertain anyone. It was simply something I needed to get off of my chest and out in words. So, if I've bored you I apologize. Then again...does anyone even read this anyways?