You all know the story of the little boy who cried wolf. I've been giving that story a lot of thought lately and I've come to the conclusion that I've cried wolf a few too many times. Here's what I mean:
I always looked forward to going away to school. I had to take my ACT twice because when you have less than stellar grades, school's generally require a higher ACT score. In my case I needed a 22. The first time I took it, I got a 19. I feverishly studied every "Practice Test" I could get my hands on and got an impressive 23 the second time. I was so proud but my parents were less than enthused. They were not too keen on the idea of me being 400-something miles away. Not because they'd miss me but because they didn't trust me to be studious in such an environment. I begged, pleaded, bribed and promised. They finally agreed when I told them I'd get good grades and pay for school myself. That first semester I was totally enraptured with college life; no parents to tell me when to get home, no teachers taking attendance and....parties. I partied all the time...so much that at one point I was given the date rape drug and passed out in the middle of the quad ( also known as the gathering point) I was discovered there at 4am by campus security. You would think that any normal person would cut back on the partying but I didn't let a little GHB get me down. I continued on with my persuit of social acceptance. I even went so far as joining a sorority. My parents were less than thrilled with the news and even less thrilled when they'd call my dorm at midnight only to hear "leave a message at the sound of the beep" Report card time rolled around and although I had partied with the best of 'em I managed to pull B's and C's. I could see the look of dissapointment on my parents' faces but I reassured them that "C's get degrees" The destructive behavior continued and the grades continued to fall. When I left Eastern a couple semesters later I had a 1.2 gpa. I was embarrassed and ashamed. Yes, I did it to myself but I vowed to do better. After much discussion with the P's I enrolled in the local community college.
Enrolling in Community college after being at a 4 year institution is not a dream come true. You are met with a miriad of questions ranging from "Didn't you like being away?" to "I heard you were drugged, is that true?" I put my best foot forward and tried to focus on getting some type of degree. But, for some reason the parties always mangaged to find me. I started staying out til' at least 6am. I never went to class. Again, I had to see the look of dissapointment on Mom and Dad's face when the report card arrived at the house. " How on earth can you pull all F's?" my mother asked me. I didn't know what to say. I cried. And that would be the last set of classed I took.
Over the next few years I would struggle with a lot of different situations. In October of 2001, I felt very queesy and nauseous. I decided to take the biggest test I'd ever have to take in my life. And, it came back positive. Now, I've seen that dreaded look of dissapointment on my parent's faces in the past but there was no way I could've prepared myself for the look when I announced "Mom, Dad I'm pregnant" I thought they were going to pass out. My mom being the lovely person she is said "Well, let's not cry about this. You're not dying of cancer, you're having a baby" I love her for that comment, I really do.
After my daughter was born I again started giving school a second thought. I didn't want to be the do-as-I say not as I do type of mother. I wanted to set an example so that when the time came for me to give her the "you have to go to college " speech I wasn't met with "well, you didn't go, why should I"? Comment. I again enrolled at a community college. Again I faliled. I would love to tell you that it's because I got sick and couldn't go to class. Or that I just studied and studied and that was the best I could do...but the truth is.....I was just lazy. I came up with every excuse in the book not to study. I don't know why I do this.
So, here it is 3 years later and I'm itching to go back to school again. I try to tell myself that this time will be different. But, what if it isn't? I can't keep shelling out thousands of dollars on classes that are never finished. But, I have to at least try. Right?
I was so excited that I had decided to give school another try and I couldn't wait to share my news. "Mom, I think I'm going to go to school and get an Associates in Nursing" I have to admit that even I was suprised when she said "Uh, huh"
She wasn't excited and I don't blame her. I've let her down countless times before. I guess the only way to get her excited is to "just do it"
