Are you fo real?

You can see a lot of unusual things while shopping in a Wal-Mart. Yesterday afternoon I headed up there to waste some time. We had a playdate at Chuck E. Cheese at 4:30 and by 2:00 I was ready to get out of the house. What better a place to kill time than a Wal-Mart. We walked around for a bit and unfourtunately the time wasn't passing any faster than it was at home. I decided to take a break at the Subway they have there. I ordered a softdrink, sat down at a table and witnessed this:

A very tall, thin man wearing the biggest shorts I'd ever seen complimented by ankle socks and white, plastic gardening clogs. He was with his mother who was also wearing gigantic shorts, gardening clogs and a Coach bucket hat.

Tall guy: Ma whachyou want?
Mom: Oh, I dunno......how much is da BMT?
TG: Excuse me, Miss? How much is da BMT?
Subway gal: 6 inch or footlong?
TG: Ma, 6 inch or footlong?
Mom: I dunno, how big is da footlong?
TG: Ma'm how big da footlong?
Subway Gal: Ummm.....12 inches sir.
TG: Ma, it's 12 inches!

And, the conversation ended with the mom moaning about the price of the sandwiches. I had to try with all my might not to bust out laughing. Really. How big is a footlong? I wondered to myself how many Subway employees have heard this question. I worked my very first job at a Subway shop and can't really recall that question ever being asked. I do know that some people would ask to see the bread and looking back I'm guessing that was there way of asking without really asking. Ah, the things you can see at your local Wal-Mart.

OH MY WORD

I am registering for classes on April 24th. I just checked out how much the books were for the nursing program and for ONE class the books that are REQUIRED come to a total of $1200. OMG.........how am I ever going to pay for class AND the books???? This is just making me sick thinking about it. It's insane. They charge out the butt for tuition and then add $1200 worth of books on top of it? That's just for one class. For another the books came to $800 and another set for another class came to $500. Geesh.....maybe I'd better rethink my game plan!

Tuesdays with Morrie

Buy it, read it! Nuff said.

Who Am I?

I was watching some program yesterday and a girl on the show had a breakdown of sorts. This particular girl has an eating disorder and she was judged by her peers because of this. All of her peers rallied around her, trying to "save" her. But, on another episode she explained that she had her B.A. in marketing with a minor in communications. She was explaining to the rest of her co-workers that she'd be good at doing "this" or "that" and it got me thinking a bit. What am I good at? In high-school I tried to be good at running track and field and Cross-Country. I was mediocre at best. Sure, I trained hard and tried my best but there were no medals or trophies for me; I was average. School was the same thing; no matter how hard I tried I was average. No graduating with honors or awards....just a "plain jane". College was a repeat of high-school ( only worse) I never went to class, never got "a's"....C's were as good as it got and in my mind " C's got degrees" Not so much, I do not posess a degree. I didn't do sports in college ( I wasn't going to kill myself running 12 miles a day for nothing) and really, I didn't do much of anything in college. Partied. That's about it. And, I wasn't even good at that! I never knew where the hot spots were or where you could find "THE" party, I was a follower. If somebody said "Hey, there's a party on such-and-such street" chances are, I'd be there. So, even with something as meaningless as partying I was again....mediocre. Later in life I became a mother and wife. I wouldn't say I'm terrible at these "jobs" but I'm not anything spectacular. I'm just your average "housewife" and Mom. Nothing to call the presses about. So, where does this leave me? What defines me? Who am I? I don't really know. I don't want to be "just a mom" I know that this is an important job and by no means am I a terrible mother but isn't there more? I don't have anything that stands out....like "Oh, her? That's Katrina. She's a mom and _______" I don't have some spectacular house or car, I'm not artsy-craftsy, I'm not a stellar athelete,I don't have some amazing career, I"m just me. And, maybe that isn't so bad afterall.

Tired

I'm tired of being tired. On a normal basis I'm tired more often than not. This is not normal. I mean, I get up and could literally crawl back into bed. I'm never refreshed when I awake. I know that part of it is just day to day stresses but with my swollen lymph nodes, my headaches, my joint and muscle aches Im beginning to think that it may be something more. I need to get it all figured out before school starts up in the summer because I won't get any work done with being so tired all the time. I'm placing a call in to the doctor to see if I can figure out what the problem is. Right now, I just cleaned the bathroom and could literally fall over from the "work" It's like I just ran a marathon or something....not normal. OH well....my timer is going off which means my break is over and I must return to cleaning.....ugh......

Every once in a while

I watch certain television programs on a regular basis. Usually it's the same ole' stuff and I watch strictly because I'm "addicted" But, every once in a while one of these programs contains something that sticks with me for a while. Last night I was feeling sick so John took the kiddo out for a while. As I lay on the couch flicking through the channels I came across one of my favorite programs and it was just starting. It's on A & E and it's called "American Justice" Normally they profile cases about murders and how the justice system prevails. But, last night it was a different sort of episode. It was entitled "The Girl in the Box" And, it seriously blew my mind. A 17 year old girl was hitchhiking hoe from California when she was picked up by a husband and wife duo. It was a seemingly normal trip at first and then it turned ugly. The girl noticed that the driver was driving off course and that something just didn't feel "right" She was nervous but comforted by the fact that the couple seemed nice and reassured her that they were just taking a shortcut. She dozed in the backseat and when she came to she realized that something was wrong. They were in a wooded area and she had no clue where she was. They let her out of the backseat saying they were just there to stretch their legs. It was when she got out of the car that this seemingly normal couple went nutty. They restrained her, blindfolded her and lead her into their basement. It was a "box" of sorts and it was there that they stripped her of her clothes and inserted her into a head box. This box was constructed of wood and various other materials. The couple had gotten instructions for this box out of a tourture magazine. This "head box" prevented her from seeing, hearing or smelling anything. It weighed a ton and made it very difficult for the girl to breathe. She was whipped, raped, and tourtured for a period of 1 year. All this time she was naked and restrained in the "head box" for 22 out of a 24 hour period. She was hung from hooks in the ceiling and fondled ect. by this sick couple. After a year she was given clothing and was removed from her headbox. At this point the couple let her into their home. It was then that her true nightmare began. The couple constructed a box underneath the frame of their bed. It had a board on the top that slid open and shut and their mattress sat on top of it. This poor thing was made to stay there 22 hours a day. She was only let out to drink, eat a bit and to urinate. Other than that she was confined to underneath the mattress. She remained there for 6 years. At this point she had had no contact with her family or friends. The couple let her out and made her sign a "contract" stating that she was a "slave" and that she had people watching her every move. If she violated her contract she would be sold to another owner and she would be treated worse. If she tried to contact her family or authorities she and her family would be killed. After she signed the "contract" she was allowed to contact her family. They were stunned when they were told that she had ran off to be with her boyfriend ( of course HE made her tell them this) but they were just happy she was alive. He even took her to visit her family and left her overnight. She never said a word to anyone for fear of her "contract" He took her back to his home and the tourture continued for another year. He rigged up some contraption that he strapped her to which delivered electric shocks to various parts of her body. She was still made to sleep under the mattress and she was still raped and beaten continuously. One day out of the blue an astonishing 7 YEARS later the wife confided in the girl that she too was being held aainst her will and that she figured out that there really was no "contract" people watching her. Together they bolted while the man was at work and went to the police where her ordeal was finally over. WHen the trial began the defense tried to say that the girl was there willingly and that they had proof ( they used the visit to her family as "proof" that she stayed arguing that she could have went to the police then but didn't) He was obviously convicted but it appalled me to see what the defense was coming up with and basically ripping that poor girl to shreds on the stand. I don't think I would ever want to be a defens lawyer...how could you defend someone like that? HOw could you sleep at night knowing that you have to try to pull shit out of your ass to try and get this obviously sick bastard off??? I know that defense lawyers are necessary ( especially when the person IS innocent) but how could you take a case where the person is obviously guilty??? I don't know. All I know is that this case was like something out of a twisted horror movie and I'm glad the ass is behind bars.

Dane Cook

OK...so I'm a bit of a dork. I can't help it. I am so excited to be going out to see one of my favorite funny guys....Mr. Dane Cook. For those of you not familiar with his stuff you can check him out at www.danecook.com He is insanely funny. Make sure your sound is turned up or you won't hear it. It starts playing right when you enter his site. At any rate the show is the 14th of April and it couldn't get here fast enough. I'm going with Sarah and her hubby and it should end up being a night of panty wetting laughter. I can't wait.........

oh, and Sarah......go and check him out......NOW

Are you happy now???

Geesh, I take a "few" days off and I get attitude about not writing. Truth is, I don't have much to say. I've got swarms of stuff going on in my head but when I sit down to write about it, it doesn't seem to want to come out.

Lately, I haven't been writing about anything positive. It's all been one negative post after another. I'm starting to think that I'm an all around negative person. It must be exhausting to have to listen to me. A perfect example of what I am talking about is an incident that happened this morning. John woke up early to go to work. Cheyenne heard him and got up as well. Cheyenne and I had a few things planned for today; nothing set in stone but plans nonetheless. Since Chey/Daddy time is limited I decided to "let it go" when she asked if she could go to work with Daddy today. But, I didn't just let it go. I was fuming on the inside. He KNEW we had plans for today, he knew I needed/wanted my car and he asked her anyways. I don't have the heart to let my baby girl down so I pushed my needs/wants aside and said "of course you can go with Daddy" when she asked me. I wanted to say "Umm...excuse me Missy, you and I had plans today so NO you can't go" So, when he left I went into a sort of rage. Cussing out loud, cussing silently. I was pissed. Why did he take her? All she is going to do is sit around and get scolded for "touching" things or asking too many questions. But, I started thinking....why am I so angry? Her Daddy wanted to spend time with her, she's out of the house and I have a bunch of free time and it made her happy to go. SO, why on Earth am I mad? Probably because I'm the "my glass is 1/2 empty" kind of girl. I neglect to see the positive in anything. I could quite possibly hit it big winning the lottery and find something to bitch about ( most likely the amount of taxes they would take) So, is there anything good that's happened in your lives lately? Would you like to know the shitty side of your "good thing?" If so....just ask me. I'm sure " Debbie Downer" could come up with something.

Division of Labor

Now, it's not some government department. I'm talking about dividing household chores equally among married couples. I've been having some issues with DH about housework and we're kind of at war about the whole topic. I have the responisbility of taking care of everything that is related to the care of Cheyenne and the household. This includes ( but is not limited to) Doing laundry, cooking meals, doing dishes, paying bills, managing accounts, doing random housework such as picking up toys etc. taking out trash, getting the oil changed in my car, filling up my gas tank etc. The list goes on. John on the other hand comes home from work and literally does nothing. He does not interact with Cheyenne, he does not put his dishes in the dishwasher, does not wipe his piss stains off the toilet, does not wipe out the sink after brushing his teeth, does not wipe counters down if he should spill and the list goes on and on. I am beginning to feel like a live in maid. I have never complained about this arrangement as John works more than the usual 40 hour work week. There are sidejobs that he does and his work is not "foo-foo" work it's manual, physical, grueling labor. So, I understand the concept of being exhausted at days end. However, John also has a job here. As a husband and a father. Just because he clocks out at the end of the day does not mean his shift is over. His shift, in reality is just beginning. Cheyenne does not understand the concept of being too tired to play a game or do a puzzle. She does not understand that Daddy just worked 15 hours and would like to watch something other than cartoons. He does not understand that his time with her is limited and should be taken advantage of. He expects her 3 1/2 year old mind to be O.K. with Daddy being lazy when he gets home. He expects her to know that he's tired and doesn't want to be bothered. This gets under my skin. She longs for his attention and she does not get it from him. His idea of quality time with her is putting on a ball game and having her be quiet through the whole thing. Even a "family time" activity such as dinner is usually an uncomfortable experience. It is quiet and she is expected to act like a "big girl" and "eat" whatever is put in front of her. I am at wits end with him and things came to a head last night when he made a comment about me doing the "wrong" laundry. Apparently, there are things that he needs washed that aren't getting washed and he can't find anything to wear in the 9 baskets of clean laundry that are cluttering up the laundry room. I, personally find this hard to believe but he claims this is the case. John works outside so he has to layer in colder months. This is a typical outfit for him in the winter: 3 pairs of socks, a pair of long underwear and a pair of pants, a tank shirt, a t-shirt, a short sleeved T, a long sleeved T and a sweater or sweatshirt over that. Then, when he gets home he showers and again puts on a tank shirt, a longsleeved shirt, long underwear, 2 pairs of socks and a pair of jeans. That a ton of laundry for me to keep up with when you take into consideration that he works 6 days a week. I can't keep up. There are literally 9 baskets full in the basement full of clean laundry that apparently he can't wear cause it's not "what he needs for the weather" Well, if it's not good enough, then do your own laundry and stop bitching at me about getting it wrong. I think he is aware that he needs to do more around here to help out but at the same time I feel as if he plays dumb to get out of doing stuff. Things like "i don't know where the cups go" Excuse me, you know where they are when you need one to drink out of so you indeed know where they go when they are clean. It is all an excuse to get out of doing something. We are having a talk about this when he arrives home from work and I need to figure out exactly what to tell him I need done around here. This should be an interesting conversation.

Back on track

The baby making plans are back on schedule. I called BCBS and everything is worked out. It was just a misunderstanding.

I went on a job interview today and I GOT THE JOB!!!! YAY!!!! I'll be making damn good money for only working 2-3 days per week. I'll start next week Wednesday!!!!!! Yipee!!! That means, I can sign up for the insurance. The ball is definately starting to roll our way. I'm so excited and just had to share the good news.

I'm off for a nap. Chey got up early today and is actually asking to go lay down. She also wants to take a walk but I told her we'll go when we get up. YAY!! A new job and a nap all in one day??? Phew...I must've been a good girl!

POP!!

That is the sound of my bubble being burst. I was just informed that the quote I recieved a few weeks ago concerning maternity coverage was incorrect. I do, in fact, need to wait a full 365 days before getting pregnant. I am devistated. That's all I have to say about it. I don't know what we are going to do. Please say a prayer that we figure something out. I want #2 more than words can say.

7 Deadly Sins

Let's face it- we're not perfect. Not in the least bit. I'm sure that every one of us has in some way commited one of the 7 deadly sins. I'll be the first to admit that I can apply( almost) every one of them to some aspect of my life.

These are not in the correct order but here they are:
1) Sloth
I am lazy. I let my house go to crap and I do not work outside the home. Even though we could really use the extra money, I hold out for the "perfect" job.
2) Envy
This one is a killer for me. I envy everyone. I do not think there is one person I am close to that I do not envy in some way.
3) Greed
I buy things on impulse. Things that we do not need. I am constantly trying to find new things to buy. I want a BIGGER and BETTER home than we have. I want a nicer car. All of these things are fueled by greed not necsessity.
4) Pride
Here is one I am not sure applies to me. I don't really "pride" myself on anything. Seeing as I'm envious of everyone around me, I don't really take pride in things that I do/have.
5) Gluttony
No, this does not necessarily apply to people who over eat. This also applies to people who buy too much, talk too much ect. I do both and probably more that I can not think of right now.
6) Lust
I won't go into detail here. But, just know that ( according to the Sins) I am guilty of Lust.
7) Anger
I am probably one of the most angry people alive. I cuss at people in my car. I scream at my husband. My blood is constantly boiling.

So, here are the 7 Heavenly Virtues that are supposed to contradict the 7 Deadly sins
1) Dilligence against Sloth
2) Kindness against Envy
3) Liberality against Greed
4) Humility against Pride
5) Abstinence against Gluttony
6) Chastity against Lust
7) Patience against Anger

The reason I post this is because I met up with an old friend the other day. I went to her house and the minute I walked in I thought "God, I wish I had her house" To be honest, my house is bigger than hers. It's "newer" than hers. Why on earth am I envious I thought? Then she tells me that she is expecting #2. Her daughter is not even 18 months old yet. "Man, I wish I were pregnant" I thought. She began telling me stories about how wonderful her husband is and how much he helps her out. " Geesh, I totally wish John were like that" Don't get me wrong, she's great and she deserves to be happy but why am I always so miserable? How do I "fix" myself? How do I stop wishing I were someone else and be happy with who I am and what I have? I don't know the answer to that. The funny thing about it is that I have no real reason not to be happy. My husband loves me and he does what he can to contribute to the house. I have a roof over my head, food on my table and clothes to keep me warm. And, I'm not living in a junk shop. I have a nice home. Don't get me wrong it could use a little updating but nothing is broken and we're living like Kings compared to some people out there. I know that my time will come for #2 so why am I upset? Why can I not just enjoy the time that I have with Chey while she is an only child instead of obsessing over TTC #2???? I'm not expecting any real answers. I guess, I'm just letting it all out and being honest with myself for once. I think I'm lacking a bit in the maturity department and it's time for me to grow up.

HGTV

I hate this channel. Ok.....Really I love it. But, did you ever notice how they can take your existing crap and make it into something people would pay big bucks for? My living room is an odd shape. We have a nice Oak staircase, which according to good ole' HGTV should be a focal point in the room. According to the folks on that station the focal point should be an anchor for your furniture. This concept clearly does not work in my home. I've tried every furniture combination possible and my living room still has that "cold" feeling when you enter it. I rarely want to sit there myself so I'd imagine that my company would want to. It's not somewhere I envision people felling comfortable or at home so to speak. I also have a large window ( another HGTV focal point) I've tried placing the largest sofa against that wall but it's just not doing it for me. I'm getting frustrated. I also have a pet peeve about stuff "matching" I guess you could say I am more of a monochromatic sort of gal. It drives me nutty when I watch these shows and they put 2 colors that obviously don't go together ( in my head) only to find out that "Hey, whaddya know? Red and Orange DO go together" How the hell do they do that? We have re-painted our living room in a shade called "Mochachino" It's kind of a pinky-brown-ish color. We have a black leather sofa and another ( piece of crap) sofa that used to be pink ( clearance) but is now covered up with an ugly black sofa cover. We have grey throw pillows and a hideous blue lazy boy. We have cream drapes. Our floor is ( a highly stained) tan/beige.....How on earth do I tie all of this together? Is it even possible? I can assure you that it doesn't look bad but it doesn't look "homey" I know it sounds like we have this assortment of colors that don't go but it kinda works. With the exception of the damn blue lazy boy that I don't know what to do with. It was a "gift" to us from Lord only knows who but my hubby insists on having it in the living room. He loves that damn chair. I'm totally rambling here and I'm not even sure what the point of this post is but I'm just so frustrated with my decorating skills. I'm sure if I had the money to purchase new crap I'd be fine placing furniture somewhere but when everything seems to look odd it's hard to be happy in your own home. It seems that this theme resonates through my entire home. I look around and I just feel like it's a junk-shop. Everything we own was either purchased very cheaply or was given to us by somebody who didn't want the shit in their own home. I know that not every home is HGTV ready...but I do know that some "regular" joes out there make their homes feel welcoming. How on earth do you do this??? Anyone know? If there is something I'm missing please let me know so that I can keep from going nutty!!!!

Old Friend

I used to be very good pals with a girl named Sylvia. We grew up together; since 2nd grade. I moved away my senior year in high school and she moved the following year. She moved all the way to Florida. Last night I checked my email and there was a message from "classmates.com" It said that Sylvia Stypulan had sent me a message. This was not Sylvia's name in gradeschool but she's the only Sylvia I know so I'd guessed it was her. I read the email and sure enough it was her. She gave me her phone number and I called her and we chatted for quite some time. It was so nice to hear from her. She's back in Illinois and lives fairly close so we're meeting tomorrow. I'm so excited to meet up with someone who knew me before I was a mom.

Baby Fever

I never really did understand the term "baby fever" After I had Cheyenne I was sure she'd be an only child. The thought of having another one just wasn't there for me. I am beginning to realize that it was because she was a baby to me for a long time. Now, she's becoming a "big girl" who no longer needs her mommy every waking minute. Sure, she still needs me to kiss her owies and snuggle up with her at night but for the most part she'd rather do things on her own. This hasn't been to bad in terms of feeling me "left out" I'm happy that she's independant. I know some of the women at school say things like "she can get dressed by herself?" Or "she knows how to put her shoes on?" I don't think it's anything I did.....or maybe it is. You see, my friend Kim does everything for her son. She insists on getting him dressed in the morning. Insists on pouring his bowl of cereal for him ect. she butts in and takes control.....I on the other hand welcome Cheyenne to do things ( or at least try to) on her own. Today, she grabbed a kitchen chair, pulled out a waffle from the freezer and put it in the toaster all on her own. I was there to supervise but I didn't rip anything out of her hands or try to help her because she was being so slow. I think in a way that my *go ahead* attitude has ( at least in part) helped her to develop her independance. She'll be a very strong woman someday......

But, I do long for the days when she would cry if I so much as left her sight. I miss the 2am feedings ( I'm nutty I know) I miss my big fat pregnancy belly and I miss the *glow* that accompanies pregnancy. Our plans for TTC are in place but it's now a big waiting game. And, it seems like it is *forever* away. I'm shooting for October. I don't know if we will accomplish all that we want to before we start TTC but I'm beginning to think that somethings in life are more important than money and *things* We carry a bit of debt but in reality.....the debt will always be there. It's not going anywhere and we have our whole lives to get rid of it. And, it's not even like we carry massive amounts of debt. If we work at it we can have it paid off in a little over a year. And, even if we don't pay off *everything* as long as we make a dent our TTC plans will remain October. The decorating we want to do around here can wait as well....I mean, an infant really doesn't care if his walls are yellow or blue or purple or whatever- as long as s/he is clean, warm and fed none of that matters. Cheyenne wants a sibling so badly and it is something that I want to give her. I'm sure if I were an only child I would be able to see the plusses to being the only one but coming from a group of 3 I know how important sibling relationships really are. In fact, siblings know each other the longest when you think about it. They will know each other their whole lives...longer than they'll know their parents, friends and even their spouses. They will have childhood memories and bonds even if they aren't exactly close growing up.

Now that I've rambled on for what seems like ages. I will spare you from anymore boredom. I don't even know if what I've written makes sense but I'm too tired to go back and proof read.

Kat