Baby Fever

I never really did understand the term "baby fever" After I had Cheyenne I was sure she'd be an only child. The thought of having another one just wasn't there for me. I am beginning to realize that it was because she was a baby to me for a long time. Now, she's becoming a "big girl" who no longer needs her mommy every waking minute. Sure, she still needs me to kiss her owies and snuggle up with her at night but for the most part she'd rather do things on her own. This hasn't been to bad in terms of feeling me "left out" I'm happy that she's independant. I know some of the women at school say things like "she can get dressed by herself?" Or "she knows how to put her shoes on?" I don't think it's anything I did.....or maybe it is. You see, my friend Kim does everything for her son. She insists on getting him dressed in the morning. Insists on pouring his bowl of cereal for him ect. she butts in and takes control.....I on the other hand welcome Cheyenne to do things ( or at least try to) on her own. Today, she grabbed a kitchen chair, pulled out a waffle from the freezer and put it in the toaster all on her own. I was there to supervise but I didn't rip anything out of her hands or try to help her because she was being so slow. I think in a way that my *go ahead* attitude has ( at least in part) helped her to develop her independance. She'll be a very strong woman someday......

But, I do long for the days when she would cry if I so much as left her sight. I miss the 2am feedings ( I'm nutty I know) I miss my big fat pregnancy belly and I miss the *glow* that accompanies pregnancy. Our plans for TTC are in place but it's now a big waiting game. And, it seems like it is *forever* away. I'm shooting for October. I don't know if we will accomplish all that we want to before we start TTC but I'm beginning to think that somethings in life are more important than money and *things* We carry a bit of debt but in reality.....the debt will always be there. It's not going anywhere and we have our whole lives to get rid of it. And, it's not even like we carry massive amounts of debt. If we work at it we can have it paid off in a little over a year. And, even if we don't pay off *everything* as long as we make a dent our TTC plans will remain October. The decorating we want to do around here can wait as well....I mean, an infant really doesn't care if his walls are yellow or blue or purple or whatever- as long as s/he is clean, warm and fed none of that matters. Cheyenne wants a sibling so badly and it is something that I want to give her. I'm sure if I were an only child I would be able to see the plusses to being the only one but coming from a group of 3 I know how important sibling relationships really are. In fact, siblings know each other the longest when you think about it. They will know each other their whole lives...longer than they'll know their parents, friends and even their spouses. They will have childhood memories and bonds even if they aren't exactly close growing up.

Now that I've rambled on for what seems like ages. I will spare you from anymore boredom. I don't even know if what I've written makes sense but I'm too tired to go back and proof read.

Kat