Driving

Did you ever notice how theraputic a drive can be? I mean one with the windows rolled down and the music turned way up. It reminds me of simpler times. Times where I would go out on a whim just for a drive because I could. These days drives like this take timing, planning. I was talking to a good friend today about how life was so much simpler before having kids. Running to the grocery store took minutes not hours, running out for a bite to eat did not involve remembering to pack an extra change of clothes or something entertaining. These days everything involves stratigic planning. If I want to run to the store I have to remember to have my daughter empty her bladder before getting in the car. I have to make sure that she's eaten a meal so as not to beg for McDonald's on the way home. And, if I want to make one of these "quick" trips alone I have to make sure the hubby is home ( and awake) before I can manuver out the door. Even this involves quick thinking and excuses. My daughter wants to be with me all the time, so on the rare occasion that I do get to go by myself I have to figure out where the nearest escape routes are. But, I also thought about how these little "inconviences" are also a bit fun. I enjoy strolling through Target with Cheyenne in toe. She is so curious about everything around her. Even something as simple as "sale" signs are of interest to her. I get a kick out of her eagerness to help me. " Mom, can I pick out the syrup?" I enjoy answering her "silly" questions: "mom, why is that man riding his bike?" or "Mom, what does that sign say?" I even get a tinge of excitement when she does tug at my leg staring up at me with puppy dog eyes "Mom why are you leaving?" It makes me feel needed, special even. I love even more the " MOMMY" when I stroll into the house after one of my outings. Cheyenne acts as if I've been gone years, not hours. So, when I crave the life of old, I think I'll jsut go for a drive.

I'm so bored

I don't know what it is; the weather is nice and I feel good but I'm bored. I've become this "hermit" of sorts, not wanting to leave the house unless it's absolutely necessary. I did manage to take the kiddo out to the park and I did go to Verizon to get my phone checked out but other than that I did nothing today. I sit here and mope around because I feel lost. We are back to having financial problems and we are back to sqare one regarding baby/school. I/We don't know what is best for our situation and our family. Part of us feels that me going back to school would do wonders for us financially but it would't be the best thing for our family life. I know damn well that if I put hard work into school and become a nurse I won't want to have another one because of my issues with putting my children in daycare. It is nothing more than a personal choice on my part ( I don't look down or criticize women who enroll their kids in daycare) my mom was home with all of us growing up and I want that for my children. On the other hand having a second one without me working would be financial suicide for us. I don't see how we would survive on John's income with 2 children. I guess I could have another one and continue on with school part-time but knowing the work that is involved with the nursing program I don't see how I would balance 2 children and school. Another issue is the fact that John's company refuses to get insurance rolling for their employees. His boss keeps feeding him the "It's coming" line. It's been "coming" for 3 years now. It's not that hard to get insurance rolling. His boss doesn't have insurance either so it doesn't make much sense. He has 3 small children so to me it's insane that he just doesn't apply for some small-business insurance. At any rate I don't know if we wait until that coverage is in place or just sign up on our own and wait the 4 months for the maternity coverage to become active. But, this is what I think about all day. It's like it never ends; it consumes me. It consumes me to the point of not being able to be productive around the house, it causes me to be "absent" from Chey's life because I'm trying to figure out what's best for her and for us. I don't know how much longer I can live like this because frankly; it sucks. I'm tired of the constant stress headaches or the nauseous feeling I always have in the pit of my stomach. I'm a never ending sea of ailments. I spend countless hours "surfing" the web for insurance plans, maternity clothes, school information and loads more. I couldn't even tell you the amount of time I spend online trying to find something that makes me feel better about decisions we are making ( or not making at this point) I'm trying so hard to figure things out but can't seem to come to any solid conclusions. At this point I'm debating on whether or not I should go back to work full time just to have the insurance so we can have another kid. Then I feel self-fish because I feel that I am not going to be able to spend as much time with Cheyenne just so I can have another baby ( even though it's for her as well) So, that's it for now. That's where I'm at with everything. No closer than I was 2 months ago. Wish me luck; I need all I can get at this point!

On the fence

I'm on the fence yet again. I'm starting to get irritated with my inability to make up my mind. I'm back on my baby kick. I want another one. I thought that there was a possibility that I already was pregnant but that quickly disappeared once AF showed up a few hours ago. So, here I am again. Do I go to school and have children later or do I just suck it up, get the insurance and get pregnant? Who knows........

Silly Bitch

That Dane Cook is a silly bitch! He had me rolling all night long. For those of you familiar with his material he did some of his best stuff ever! He did a bit about Atheist's though that really had my sides aching! I also loved, loved, loved his bit about the couples arguing and his bit about "D.J. Diddles" OMG!!!!! I think that one had me on the verge of urinating in my pants! I'm also soo very glad that I now have a visual to go along with the Tiny Unicorns in my exhaust! Thanks Dane Cook for being the funny, funny man that you are!

Wating for the Train

The Dane Train that is! In about 4 hours my butt will be sitting at the Allstate Arena laughing my pants off! It's going to be one hell of a night that's for sure! I'm so excited I can hardly contain myself. Since I can't do dinner tonight I'm guessing I'll throw back a couple drinks at the house before I go ( don't ask me why, but everything is 10x's funnier when you've had a couple) And, I'm thinking I may just have to treat myself to some clothing or accessory featuring that hottie's mug on it! WOO HOO!!! All aboard the Dane Train!!!!!!!

Some Days......

Some Days......
....I am happy
....I am sad
....I want to punch somebody square in the nose; just because
....I want to jump off a cliff
....I feel beautiful
....I feel like a hag
....I feel like a good Mother
....I feel like a horrible Mother
....I feel content
....I feel helpless
....I feel proud
....I feel sorry for myself
....I feel like a piece of shit
....I feel like a princess
....I want to be someone else
....I feel smart
....I feel like a moron
....I feel free
....I feel like I'm in prison
....I feel confident
....I am scared
....I am lonely
....I feel out of control
....I wish I could run away
....I am happy right where I am
....I know who I am
....I feel like I haven't yet discovered who I am

Just been one of those days......be back to my usual self soon!

Tiny Unicorns

A few days ago I noticed that my car was grinding whenever I stepped on the brake. Today I decided to take it in to the mechanics to see what the deal was. To waste some time I took Chey to see the Easter Bunny. I got a phone call from the guys at the shop asking me to come in so they could explain the problem. This guy was spewing random mechanical facts at me and all I could think of was Dane Cook's "Tiny Unicorn" bit. It took every ounce of self-control I had to not bust out laughing in this guys face. After all was said and done he tells me that to fix everything it will cost just under $600. I almost threw up. I called my Dad ( since John left his phone at home today) and he said to get out of there; it should not cost that much. I took it to another place and again they start in with the automotive jargon and again I can hardly contain myself. All I could picture were "Tiny Unicorns taking a shit in my exhaust" ( or something to that effect) At least this place was honest and it only set me back about 1/2 of what they were trying to charge me at the other place. But, I can honestly say that I found humor in what should've been a bad day thanks to Mr. Cook!!!!! Gotta love that guy!

See you on Thursday Dane ( and Sarah)

Step one....check

Miss Know-it-all

I have a bad habit of leaving pop cans on my computer desk. I know it's a terrible habit but I can't help it. I usually grab a can first thing in the morning and then come sit up here to check my email, news, weather etc. Well, the other day Chey was up here and she was screwing around my the computer. Here is how our conversation went:

Me: Cheyenne be careful that you don't knock something over. Actually, get away from the computer, I'm doing something on there.
Cheyenne: Mom, I'm checking my email ( as she's clicking away at the keys)
As she says this she turns to me and knocks over a pop can onto the keyboard
Me: See, this is why I don't want you screwing around by the computer
Cheyenne: Well, this is why you shouldn't leave pop cans on the desk.

Oh, that girl!

Belly-Dancing 101

Well Folks,
Turns out I'm not as limber as I once thought. I had my first class last night and it kicked my ass. We spent the first 1/2 hour focused on stretching/toning. THIS really kicked my butt. The second 1/2 hour was spent training the ab muscles and learning what they call isolations. Isolations are apparently the foundation of belly-dancing. Let me tell you: My body does NOT move that way. The "shimmy" in particular blew me away. It is where you shimmy your hips WITHOUT using anything other than your ab muscles to move them. Sound tricky? It IS. The way my instructor described how to do the movement is this: Imagine that you have a thin string attached to each of your hip bones. Take a string in each of your hands and pull them up one at a time. WHAT??!!! You can not move your legs, knees ect. ONLY your hips/abs. Crazy. She said to practice sitting down. Basically sit on your butt and WITHOUT using your knees/legs to help you shift your butt muscles from one side to the next. Being the quitter that I am, I almost threw in the towel after leaving last night. But then John reminded me that nothing comes easy at first and that the instructor has been doing this for 29 years. So, I decided that I'll finish out my 8 week course and if I don't have the isolations down by then I'll throw in the towel. In the meantime, I've got some shimmying to do..........

Weekend Ramblings

Well, where do I begin? It was actually a fun-filled weekend for a change. It was nice.

Friday, I worked and wound up getting off early! That's always a treat. I love it when that happens. After I got home, I made some dinner and watched some T.V. after I got the kiddo into bed John and I decided to have an "AOL" music marathon. We looked up all of our favorite songs and jammed in the office. I am infatuated with "Shakira" and the way that gal moves. We spent 2 HOURS trying to figure out how she does her moves. After 2 hours of being unsuccessful, I threw in the towel. However, I did a bit of research on her and found that she is a belly-dancer. So, I enrolled in some belly-dancing class so that I can say "HA! Shakira, you ain't got nothin' on me" LOL.

Saturday I ran some errands and then had a family breakfast. After that my pal Sarah came over and we chatted for quite sometime. John had the kiddo for the day so it was nice to talk and not be interupted every 5 minutes. While Sarah was over we decided to go out dancing with the hub's. And, what girl can go to a club without the 'right outfit"? We packed up in the car and began our hunt for some S-E-X-Y threads. After glamming it up we hit the club and had a good time.

Today was spent recovering from last night. It's amazing how much ONE night out can take out of you. I sometimes wonder how I did this on a daily basis. Gosh, I could keel over right now. Then I had to head to the P's to get the kiddo. In a few minutes I'll catch the Soprano's and head to bed. I'm calling it a night early tonight! Was a really great weekend! It's amazing what a bit of good weather can do for you!