I hate bed time
Bed time in this house sucks! It is a royal pain to get my daughter to bed at an early time. It is even more of a pain to have her go to bed peacefully. But, to an extent I understand.
I've always had sleep issues. When I was a few days old I was awake during the night and I slept all day. When I got older I can rember seeing "snakes" and "dragons" crawling around my bed and it scared the crap out of me. Because of this I would sneak into the comfort of my parents bed until I was almost 8 years old. Even at 8 I had sleep issues. I was teased starting at a young age becuase of my height and my glasses; thoughts of things kids said to me at school would fill my head at bedtime and it was almost impossible to sleep. Around the age of 13 my parents began to have marital issues. My Dad spent 3-4 days on the road for work and it pissed my mom off royally to have to care for 3 young kids on her own. He would call her at odd hours and arguments would ensue. I would hear things like " fuck you, I want a divorce!" or " why the hell did we even have kids? You didn't want to be a father you wanted to be a traveling man" or even worse " I can't stand being with these kids by myself all the time" I can't say that I blame her. I'd be pretty upset if I had 3 small kids to care for on my own with no vehicle to get around. It was a pretty sad life for my mom back then. But, you can imagine how hard it was to sleep listening to your mom cry and scream. And now as an adult, grocery lists, bills that are due and things that were said between John and I fill my head when I should be asleep.
So, I'm guessing that the issues that Cheynne has at bedtime are just natural. But, it is rather draining having to usher a 4 year old back to her bed every 5 minutes. And frankly, I don't know what to do about it. I don't have much of an issue letting her crash in my bed but John doesn't like it and I feel torn. My loyalty lies with my daughter and I feel guilty having to put her back into her bed when she's scared or has had a nightmare. It makes me sad to see the pitiful look on her face when she stares up at me with her big baby blues as if to say " why can't I just cuddle with you in your bed where I feel safe and protected?" And, when you think about it, nobody likes to sleep alone. I know that I can't sleep well if John isn't home and the bed is cold and lonely. Can you even imagine what it must be like as a 4 year old who doesn't truly grasp the concept of "adult alone time?"
The reason I chose to post about this topic is because today, for the first time, I saw my daughter truly terrified. After I got her bathed and ready for bed I read her a few books and tucked her in for the night. She got out of bed and came to sit on the floor next to the computer to be by me. She asked for "one more kiss" and as I leaned in I noticed a black line all around the perimiter of her face. I said " What on earth is all over your face?" I could see then that she had no clue what I was talking about so I picked her up and showed her her face in the bathroom mirror. She freaked " what is it mommy? What is it? How did it get there?" There was sheer panic in her voice. It trembled. " What on earth were you messing with?" " Mommy, I wasn't messing with anything. What is it Mommy? Mommy!!!" I calmly wiped it off of her face but her terror was evident. She was shaking and as I held her close to me I could feel her heart racing. She was shaking and saying " I'm so sorry mommy, I'm so sorry. I don't know what was on my face. Is it all over my body? Was it from putting my hands in my mouth when I was outside? " She was crying and as I wiped the tears from her eyes I tried to soothe her. "Baby, it's o.k. I don't know what was on your face but it's gone now and it's o.k." But she still trembled. Finally, I laid down next to her and she drifted off while holding onto one of my hands. But you see, this was a compromise. Just a few minutes before I snuggled up next to her in her bed, she said " can i please sleep in your room tonight mommy?" and just as I was about to swoop her up and put her into the safety of my bed, I heard John mumbling from our room " NO! Sleep in your own bed, you'll be fine" At that moment I could feel my heart breaking into a million pieces. "I'm sorry Cheyenne, you have to sleep in your room tonight. Daddy has to get up early in the morning and can't sleep well with all of us in the bed" Not only did I have to lie to her but I had to make excuses for my husband. Luckily, Cheyenne took my " I'll snuggle with you here til' you fall asleep" offer rather well and all was well. As I slid out from beneath her covers, I gave her her one last kiss that she had requested earlier. And no, I do not know what the black stuff was all over her face, but I'm glad it was there because I got to be a hero to my baby girl.
I've always had sleep issues. When I was a few days old I was awake during the night and I slept all day. When I got older I can rember seeing "snakes" and "dragons" crawling around my bed and it scared the crap out of me. Because of this I would sneak into the comfort of my parents bed until I was almost 8 years old. Even at 8 I had sleep issues. I was teased starting at a young age becuase of my height and my glasses; thoughts of things kids said to me at school would fill my head at bedtime and it was almost impossible to sleep. Around the age of 13 my parents began to have marital issues. My Dad spent 3-4 days on the road for work and it pissed my mom off royally to have to care for 3 young kids on her own. He would call her at odd hours and arguments would ensue. I would hear things like " fuck you, I want a divorce!" or " why the hell did we even have kids? You didn't want to be a father you wanted to be a traveling man" or even worse " I can't stand being with these kids by myself all the time" I can't say that I blame her. I'd be pretty upset if I had 3 small kids to care for on my own with no vehicle to get around. It was a pretty sad life for my mom back then. But, you can imagine how hard it was to sleep listening to your mom cry and scream. And now as an adult, grocery lists, bills that are due and things that were said between John and I fill my head when I should be asleep.
So, I'm guessing that the issues that Cheynne has at bedtime are just natural. But, it is rather draining having to usher a 4 year old back to her bed every 5 minutes. And frankly, I don't know what to do about it. I don't have much of an issue letting her crash in my bed but John doesn't like it and I feel torn. My loyalty lies with my daughter and I feel guilty having to put her back into her bed when she's scared or has had a nightmare. It makes me sad to see the pitiful look on her face when she stares up at me with her big baby blues as if to say " why can't I just cuddle with you in your bed where I feel safe and protected?" And, when you think about it, nobody likes to sleep alone. I know that I can't sleep well if John isn't home and the bed is cold and lonely. Can you even imagine what it must be like as a 4 year old who doesn't truly grasp the concept of "adult alone time?"
The reason I chose to post about this topic is because today, for the first time, I saw my daughter truly terrified. After I got her bathed and ready for bed I read her a few books and tucked her in for the night. She got out of bed and came to sit on the floor next to the computer to be by me. She asked for "one more kiss" and as I leaned in I noticed a black line all around the perimiter of her face. I said " What on earth is all over your face?" I could see then that she had no clue what I was talking about so I picked her up and showed her her face in the bathroom mirror. She freaked " what is it mommy? What is it? How did it get there?" There was sheer panic in her voice. It trembled. " What on earth were you messing with?" " Mommy, I wasn't messing with anything. What is it Mommy? Mommy!!!" I calmly wiped it off of her face but her terror was evident. She was shaking and as I held her close to me I could feel her heart racing. She was shaking and saying " I'm so sorry mommy, I'm so sorry. I don't know what was on my face. Is it all over my body? Was it from putting my hands in my mouth when I was outside? " She was crying and as I wiped the tears from her eyes I tried to soothe her. "Baby, it's o.k. I don't know what was on your face but it's gone now and it's o.k." But she still trembled. Finally, I laid down next to her and she drifted off while holding onto one of my hands. But you see, this was a compromise. Just a few minutes before I snuggled up next to her in her bed, she said " can i please sleep in your room tonight mommy?" and just as I was about to swoop her up and put her into the safety of my bed, I heard John mumbling from our room " NO! Sleep in your own bed, you'll be fine" At that moment I could feel my heart breaking into a million pieces. "I'm sorry Cheyenne, you have to sleep in your room tonight. Daddy has to get up early in the morning and can't sleep well with all of us in the bed" Not only did I have to lie to her but I had to make excuses for my husband. Luckily, Cheyenne took my " I'll snuggle with you here til' you fall asleep" offer rather well and all was well. As I slid out from beneath her covers, I gave her her one last kiss that she had requested earlier. And no, I do not know what the black stuff was all over her face, but I'm glad it was there because I got to be a hero to my baby girl.
posted by Katrina @ 9:08 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home