Losing it....

I know that I should be thankful for the many things I "do" have. Lately however, I've been in sort of a slump. I've been focusing on all the things we don't have. It's been a rough winter for us here...Financially, emotionally. I'm starting to lose it. I don't know how much more I can take. From the negative balance in the checking account to the numerous "collections" calls I've been getting. It's all just so much. I've been feeling the physical aspects of all of this as well. I can't eat, sleep, focus. I have tummy aches, headaches, neck and backaches.....it's all so overwhelming. To make matters worse all of these "ailments" cause me to neglect my "motherly" duties. I don't want to color because I feel 'sick' I don't want to go anywhere because I'm too tired from not sleeping the night before. I don't want to clean because somewhere I lost my "oomph" It's not only frustrating, it's annoying. I hate, hate, hate feeling like this. At night when most "normal" people are fast asleep, I'm here at the computer rotting my brain away. When I finally do manage to drag my butt to bed I sit and think of all the things I'm going to accomplish the next day. Needless to say, none of it gets done. This only causes me to feel like more of a failure. I can't even get my house in some type of order. This only adds to my feelings of being out of control. Every aspect of my life is in shambles. My checking account, my car, the laundry, the house...there are piles everywhere and I can't seem to climb over any of them. My mind is even cluttered. There isn't one place I can go where things are in some type of order. Some place to just go and attempt to clear my mind. I don't know what I'm going to do but this needs to stop. At some point, I know that I will need to call the doctor and discuss it with him. But, until there is money to do so I'll have to trudge by. At this point all I have left is prayer. There is nothing more that I can do. It's out of my hands. I sure do hope the Man upstairs has something good up His sleeve......